When Your Young and Have Baby Mama Issues
Are you dealing with some baby mama drama? Read on to find out how to bargain with it.
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Boyfriend and Baby Mama Boundaries: How to Deal With a Difficult Baby Mama
So maybe your man has a child or 2. That's not necessarily a problem. After all, it'southward the norm these days. He's a great provider and a responsible and caring parent. You even bask spending fourth dimension with his kids. Your relationship continues to develop, and y'all've discussed taking it to the adjacent level. However, at that place'south ane huge problem—the baby'southward mama.
The Symptoms
She'southward calling at all hours of the nighttime as if she has some type of radar that tells her when you and your homo are in the center of . . . sleeping. She'southward making unreasonable demands on his time and coin. Her demands are fashion beyond what you would even inquire of him. Maybe she'southward making rude comments or threats toward yous.
Long story short, y'all're not willing to put up with information technology anymore. It's causing a rift betwixt you and your sweetheart, and you have the sneaking suspicion she's enjoying every minute of it. But how do you put a end to it? What'due south the cure for this baby mama drama?
Lightblb via Flickr
The Cause
Before you lot get to the cure, yous have to empathize the cause. Here are the four main reasons the babe's mama serves up the drama to you lot and your man:
- Proper limitations, restrictions, and boundaries in regards to advice and interaction between the father and babe'due south mama have not been established.
- The child is used as a tool of punishment and intimidation when interaction between the parents is strained or displeasing.
- The babe'due south mama may have a vendetta confronting the father because she feels she was in some way wronged during their human relationship. Although she may insist that she doesn't care about his current relationship with y'all or any other woman, she doesn't call back he deserves to be happy in his electric current relationship.
- She may feel she bears an unfair share of the responsibilities for raising the child and may resent the sacrifices she's made as the custodial parent.
Mili #777 via Flickr
In that location Are 2 Sides to Every Story
Bank check out this short video that highlights the dynamics of babe mama drama from the perspective of the baby mama. This immature lady gives well-spoken tips and important warnings.
The Cure
Only put, your man holds the key to the cure, non you. You have to face this fact: he must have a working human relationship with his baby'south mama in gild to co-parent their kid. And honestly, do you want to have a relationship with a man who's not interested in parenting his own child?
The skilful news is he tin have a healthy and appropriate co-parenting human relationship with her while simultaneously having a loving, stiff relationship with you without all the drama. Grown and mature men and women practice it all the fourth dimension. However, he's going to have to homo upward and make some changes.
Remember, he is the key to the cure. No amount of nagging, pouting, and threatening breakups you practice volition effectuate a lasting change. Keep reading to find out what he can do to stop the drama and how yous can stand by his side in support and love.
Step one. Check Yourself
Understand and keep this in the forefront of your listen—it'southward not about yous or your human relationship with your human. It's actually nearly his baby'due south mama and his relationship with her. Be it good, bad, or indifferent, she has a past with him. Something y'all probably know very niggling about or, at all-time, what you lot know is ane-sided. And so go easy on rendering judgments about her or their relationship.
Step 2. Bank check Him
Fifty-fifty though you lot may non be willing to put upwards with the drama anymore, he has to be fed up with it too. In fact, he has to be more than fed up with the drama than you. He has to be willing to do what is right and what is necessary. If he's not gear up to "rock the boat" a footling, so it's best to leave it lonely until he gets to that indicate.
If he'southward capable of managing the drama within the current circumstances, then he may not possess the fortitude to stand backside the decisions he will need to brand in lodge to change things. Your part in the implementation of this step is non to convince him to do it but rather to allow him the latitude to be truthful, even if it'southward not what you want to hear.
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Step iii. Get Information technology in Writing
If he's not washed so already, he should go through the proper (legal) process to substantiate visitation rights to his child. In this situation, words speak louder than deportment—if the words are written, properly executed, and mandated by a judge. The document should exist a specific agreement as to when visitation should occur and how visits will be carried out, including parent communication and transportation (commitment and pick-up).
A special note here—although it's tempting to play the queen bee, you should not insist on existence allowed to participate in the delivery and/or pick-upwardly of the kid. Trust him to handle it. It's non virtually you lot. Instead, attempt waiting at home for him to render with the kids while preparing for a special upshot or meal for yous to share every bit a family.
By Hussein Afzal [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
Pace 4. Learn the Lanes
Boundaries, limitations, and restrictions are important because they establish order. Just equally clearly marked traffic lanes reduce auto crashes, society reduces baby mama drama. You likewise demand a programme for a response when boundaries are crossed. And with very few exceptions, you should e'er appropriately address (minus the middle-rolling and mental attitude) or point out when boundaries are crossed.
Specially in the beginning, information technology'due south important to be reminded of these boundaries and to stick to them. Let him institute the boundaries and ask him to share them with you. Do not make your own demands. Here are a few suggestions of areas to consider for brake/boundaries:
- Phone/text communication—except for emergency situations, there should be no advice between the established hours of day/night.
- Respect and courtesy—refrain from bad-mouthing and name-calling, especially in the presence of the kid.
- Protocol regarding relationships of the opposite gender—how long should y'all await to introduce to the child? Are there certain events they should not attend (ie- birthday parties, school events)?
Step 5. Walk the Talk
Hither's the hardest function. In the most cordial means possible, he needs to have "the talk" with the baby mama and relay the boundaries to her. Preferably, he should choose a time to talk to her when they are on good terms, not in the heat of drama. He should permit her to requite feedback and to arrange or add to the boundaries if needed.
Every bit his adult female, you accept a very important part in this talk—practise non exist present. He has to do this alone, and yous have to trust him. Menses. If it doesn't turn out equally planned, permit him know it's okay to back out. I know that'due south hard, but at the cease of the day, if he's not gear up to "walk the talk" or stick to the boundaries he proposes, the drama will undoubtedly increase, and you may exist in a worse position than when you started.
This content is authentic and true to the best of the author's knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized communication from a qualified professional.
Questions & Answers
Question: What if the baby mama reaches out to yous talkin crap?
Respond: Try not to engage. Allow your man know, and he should handle accordingly, if appropriate. Remember, he should set the step/free energy for advice. She also needs fourth dimension to adjust to yous beingness a role of her life. Because if he stays in relationship with you, you will become office of her life. That's non like shooting fish in a barrel for her. Especially if she's used to having "command" of everything.
Question: What if my meaning other has tried making boundaries ect with his baby momma merely she keeps calling and causing unnecessary problems? Even finding my number at some point to threaten me?
Answer: You need a binding mediator, even if you have to take legal activity. In fact, if she's being a swell and threatening you without provocation, y'all may demand to handle it legally anyway. Too, make sure yous are aware of how and what he is communicating to the babe mama. Listen advisedly to both parties.
Question: What should I do when my young man's babe'south mom comes over with the kids when she has "fights" with her swain?
Answer: You and the baby mom must be all-time friends, correct? If not, she needs to drop the kids off and keep moving. And if it keeps happening, the kids demand to be placed in a safe and stable dwelling, be information technology yours or someone else.
Question: How do you bargain with a baby mama that insists on drama no thing how high of a route you have?
Respond: Who is engaging with the baby mama - you? Your man? Is the kid involved? What practice you consider to be a high road response? The question is non really detailed enough for me to provide a specific response. But generally, information technology starts and ends with the man. Call up, he is responsible for setting the tone.
Question: What should ane do if the baby mom barges into the house at all hours?
Answer: No ma'am! Lock the doors and don't open up them for her unless she calls first to get permission to come up over. That's some fraggle naggle BS!
Question: Say you lot're in a new human relationship with a man fathering a child that's non biologically his. You need to understand what the human relationship looks like between him and the mother. Only he keeps telling you he'll handle information technology and to merely trust that he's got information technology. But you are at a standstill because you lot don't want to farther emotionally invest feelings, in fear of flipping out latter on if his idea of "treatment it" was not enough?
Answer: It depends on how new of a relationship information technology is. Out of the gate, I don't think he owes you any details. However, if he has expressed interest in exclusivity or whatsoever level of emotional and/or physical delivery, and longevity, he needs to spill the beans. Communication is key in any relationship. He shouldn't want to proceed you lot in the dark. Make it clear that you're not asking for details with the purpose of judging or scrutinizing the state of affairs. Utilize your ears more than your mouth the first fourth dimension you lot talk with him about it. But above all, listen to your intuition.
Question: How do you suggest dealing with a man who has different parenting skills? His child doesn't want to be at my home because at that place are rules and "he'll accept my side". She doesn't disrespect me. However she is disrespectful to them and has become physically aggressive towards them. I notice w/ dad the rules don't utilise to her or there is always a rhyme & reason why she can do differently. And in her behavior, I run into her manipulating . How practice I end this relationship?
Reply: At the beginning, you're request how to deal with him. At the end of the question, yous're asking for breakout techniques, and how to end the relationship? Those are two totally dissimilar questions. If you're staying with him, it'south very simple- you two must go on the same folio equally far as how to heighten your children. If y'all can't , and then you need counseling. You lot can't raise kids together without being in agreement. Evidently and simple. The kids will endure and your relationships will be destroyed. Not merely must you agree on the standards of raising children but likewise on how to apply those standards.
Question: What if she refuses to give him back his house key and now makes it a task to drop the kids off and post herself in his room?
Answer: I hate to be short with you Sis, merely...Modify THE LOCKS! Her bad beliefs is existence allowed and supported past your human being. Menstruum. He could have put an end to that nonsense IF he wanted to.
Question: How do we handle baby mama drama for a kid that isn't his? She cheated on throughout the relationship and the OAG did a Deoxyribonucleic acid test to confirm the ix-yr-former male child wasn't his son. But she still drops him off.
Answer: I remember the beginning thing to do is to empathize how your human feels almost this. Bold he has acted as male parent to this child for 9 yrs prior to finding out it's non his biological son, there are probably deep and circuitous feelings involved. You can't necessarily undo a parent-kid relationship considering of test results. Beginning with him. And exist open to hear his true thoughts on the situation.
Question: One baby mama works in a constabulary house and takes advantage to initiate legal threats on the man to requite the money she demands, portraying the man as the irresponsible one yet he has been supporting her higher up board. The man feels tricked and pushed beyond the possible, nonetheless he has his family to take care of. What should he do to tame the baby mama?
Answer: He needs to get skillful legal advice. Fight fire with fire. If she'due south coming at him legally, he needs to fully sympathize how she's portraying him equally the bad guy and why the courts are agreeing with her. Also, y'all point out that he has his family unit to take intendance of. Make sure you include his other kid(s) from previous relationships as his family, also, because they are. And news flash sister: if yous are married to him, those kids are your family equally well. Be open up to hear the Baby Mama's perspective. Be careful not to be too dismissive. Sometimes acknowledgement tin go a long manner.
Nkosana Mahlangu on March 05, 2020:
My infant mama and alive together,merely we don't become along,and then I desire her leave my apartment,Which is we break up.Then now she's threating to leave our child with me lone,And the kid she's very immature,1yr.wat can I exercise coz am ever at work the only time am available is Sat or Sunday.
Source: https://pairedlife.com/problems/How-To-Get-Rid-Of-Baby-Mama-Drama
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